Black Swan

I've never really thought Natalie Portman is as hott as everyone else does

That said, I have a huge thing for lesbians.  When I say that, I feel like I'm just enabling some male stereotype to be realized, but in reality, my affinity for female homosexuality is deeper rooted than just "hey, two chicks man"

I'm fascinated by homosexuality.  Though I claim heterosexuality, I relate to the concept of pan-sexuality and am physically attracted to males as well as females.  I was raised in a white, Christian, English speaking, middle class, farm town, where homosexuality wasn't exactly commonplace or looked kindly upon.  Now, I think it's beautiful.

I used to do stand-up comedy, and one joke I really enjoyed doing, was about how I really like lesbians.  The joke basically explained that I like lesbians because A) I'm really into myself, and I feel like I have a lot in common with some lesbians (music, clothing style, certain mentalities) and B) Lesbians don't like me, and I like chasing after unattainable things.  It even became a sort of inside joke amongst the comedy community that I looked like a lesbian/was a lesbian.

Lesbians are a perfect hybrid of two of my favorite things - myself, and girls I can't attain.

In the summer of 2009, a lesbian friend of mine started doing stand-up, and we spent a lot of time in the car driving to different mics and listening to music.  We had a lot in common, and I eventually fell for her.  She was my first lesbian crush, and involuntarily helped me realize how much I like them.

It's attractive to me when I meet a girl and she is bi/pan/has an ex-girlfriend/etc.  Something about the idea that she is attracted to girls usually tells me she posseses some other mental qualities I'm attracted to.

*proceed with caution; the following text reveals select scenes from the movie Black Swan, including some of the ending*

So today, one of my best guy friends paid for the two of us to see a movie about ballet, which by comedic definition is "pretty gay".  Turns out, it was.  The movie anyway.

In Black Swan, Natalie Portman plays an innocent (virgin?) ballet dancer.  Her director is trying to get her to come out of her shell, so he tells her to go home and touch herself, which she does, twice.  The first time specifically, was shot and performed beautifully, and now I have a crush on her.  Eventually, while on ecstasy, Natalie Portman's character falls for Mila Kunis's character, and they have oral sex!  It was really amazing.

Anyway, Natlie Portman's character finally let's go and becomes the "Black Swan", which I related to, because I feel like I'm always denying the terrible, selfish, hate-driven, vengeful thief trapped inside of me.